subterranean homesick alien

Prologue

 

            I walked out of the bar feeling sick. It was not a sick like the flu is or small pox even, rather, this was a sick feeling acknowledged, not obtained. This was the sick feeling you get after looking into a mirror’s reflection. The sick feeling you get looking at a creature named after yourself, ugly, the same creature that you groom, brush, clean regularly… The sick feeling trapped me. I took a long hard look at myself in that bathroom mirror. In it I recalled the several long college years that my parents had paid for. In it I heard stories of a man who travels from small town to small town seeking aspiration and finding none. In it I swallowed the truth that I was heading nowhere from somewhere and had found nothing along the way while others always found something. Their somethings coupled with my own nothing made me very, very sick indeed.

            I was comforted to find it raining when I escaped the crowds of people and their drinks, smokes, merry making and celebrations. Sitting on the damp earth, I imagined the rain washing most of me away, my colors trickling down my jacket sleeve and slipping into the drainage. When all of me had washed away Greenwood peered out of the pub and found me. Damn him.

            He followed me out, “Hey man, are we cool? I, I was only joking about the Leslie thing, it must be too early. You know I don’t think you’re gay, don’t you?” He walked the crooked way he does in my direction. “Come back in Tom.”

            “I’m fine out here Greenwood,” lied I. “Besides, Leslie didn’t break up with me because she thought I was gay… you know what? Just drop it. It’s dropped, there on the ground; don’t pick it up again now that it’s dropped, It’s all wet now, wet and dropped.”

            He threw his hands in the air, “okay okay, dropped.”

            “Say, do you have the time?”

            “Uhh, six-ish?”

            I picked myself up, took a second to bid farewell to Greenwood and drug myself apartment bound.

            The walk home… home? The walk to my apartment was a cold one. My MP3 player was busted and so it was also a quiet one. Nothing but the noise of my rattled brain rung in the wind, besides the ever-present sound of dripping rain. I ached for something to take my mind off of its dreadful track. I found cracks in the pavement.

            I imagined an ant was crawling through the maze of the disgruntled sidewalk. He had better hurry up though, because behind that ant was a bigger ant, faster too, and with malicious intent. Faster, faster, faster my ant crawled through cracks, under wrappers, over weeds, but the bigger ant’s pace was quickening.

            Then, when the two ants found each other, the bigger one punched the smaller one in the gut and left him crippled and drowning.

            Well that was fun.

I was standing in front of an abandoned deli now, looking down at the concrete. It took me a moment, but then I noticed the pitter patter of rain on my jacket had ceased. This was strange, because in front of and behind me rain was still falling fast from the sky above. I looked up not really expecting to see anything at all, but was delightfully mistaken.

 

 

“Subterranean Homesick Alien”

 

          The mornings are among the worst things on Earth. Usually on good mornings, I would wake up to this swell sounding personal alarm my friend Greenwood had programmed for me. At eight o’clock I would wake up to his recording of him screaming at me to get up, if I pressed the snooze button it would register with a separate recording saying “okay, you got ten minutes.” It would return to the screaming ten minutes later. It all goes back to better times in college where we’d wake the other up in our morning classes by screaming in each others ears, we sat right next to each other then, it was nice.

            This morning was not a good one from the start. At eight the alarm woke me up just as before, but instead of reminding me of college days it reminded me of dinner at that gross pub. The one where the air was stale with smoke, where the men were made drunk by the rounds of senseless drinking, and where the women would wink at each other and then at the drunk men in the smoke, in the pub. The gross pub where all of my friends had fashioned a party to celebrate another one of their promotions or dates or winnings or any one of their numerous accomplishments, I don’t quite remember.

            I do remember that turd Greenwood though, which was why I threw my alarm clock across the room when he started screaming at me at eight. I decided to sleep in today. At these rates, my employer shouldn’t be surprised when I don’t show up at work, but when I do show up.

           

            The afternoon was better; I stayed at the apartment and began thumbing on my guitar when it all came back to me at last! The walk in the rain yesterday, I remember now, after that walk I ran strait to the apartment and shut the door fast behind me. I closed all the windows, shut all the blinds, locked all the doors, I even warned the older people upstairs to do the same. Of course, I’d even warn them that aliens were hovering their gigantic spacecraft above the street a few blocks down. The couple, both in their healthy sixties, first looked at me in disbelief, then to each other in confusion, and then back to me with determination to kick me out the door.

            I turned on the television waiting for some fantastic news broadcast to confirm my beliefs. I could picture it… “-breaking news this afternoon, a gigantic triangular saucer is hovering over Bends Avenue. We advise all listeners to stay indoors-“ It would have been beautiful to hear the panicking public swarm to the nearest buildings, to hear surveillance helicopters above and riot police below, but none of it happened, not even the helicopters. I thought for sure the air force would be the first to respond. Think about it, it’s their territory and specialty. I would have loved to see SWAT for the first time too, but the dogfights in the air would have been a far greater spectacle to behold. Heck, the spaceship was big enough for several tiny spaceships to fly out and defend itself I’d guessed.

            No broadcast, no riots, no police and no helicopters. I looked outside later and didn’t even see the spaceship; it couldn’t have gotten far for sure. The craft was immense, it looked like two or three buildings had been sown together with pipe and wire. As much as I’d imagined alien spaceships, which I did often, I never pictured one as ugly as this; but leave it to the aliens to distort your perception of perfection, because as thrown together as the saucer looked to me, I knew for some reason that this was the precipice of universal potential.

            With no spaceship to gawk at and no news broadcast to watch I went to sleep.

            Now I was by myself with my guitar and I was slowly beginning to believe it all must never had happened at all. No spaceship had visited Earth yesterday I told myself, because surely if it were true something would have happened by now right? Just wishful thinking I guess, that or some of the few drinks I shared the same day. Usually I could hold my alcohol very well, and for that my friends often called me “Buzzkill”.

            Dang, this whole thing had gotten me pretty excited but I figure it must had just been my own blasted imagination, or booze.

            Feeling more and more depressed I slunk out the door to begin my ritual two mile walk around the town. To my surprise, and also to my displeasure, my friends were at the end of curb waiting for me, all four of them.

            Greenwood stood out among them all. He was tall and had an awkward limp to his gigantic stride. He had been in several accidents as of late, all involving cars, but he’d strongly climb out of every one of them unscathed. The latest one was a drive by shooting, not in the traditional sense though, it was actually pretty funny. See, two guys had raced down the street firing at each other with handguns for sport. Both of them had these modified sports cars that could ricochet bullets at close range, don’t ask me how it works but it sure did- to an extent. One of them ended up getting shot and panicked, drove right off the road right into Greenwood. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to claim that lucky dog’s life, but it did leave him with a limp. I giggle when he tries to keep up.

            Greenwood’s brother was shorter but still taller than me, Colin was his name. Colin Greenwood is a prick. That’s all I have to say about him.

            Phil and Ed were both shadowed by the Greenwood brothers. Phil wore one of those motorcycle jackets everywhere he went and had a beard on his face that was never groomed. During conversation he’d pick these bugs out of it nervously, he got them from riding on his motorcycle of course. If he’s gonna’ ride a motorcycle around and keep that beard he should invest in one with a larger windshield.

            Ed was quiet for two reasons. He is the newest of the group and is only now beginning to loosen his nerves, and then when he does speak it’s in this high pitched squeak that is less than tolerable. We tell him to keep his comments short and sweet.

            “We visited the bookstore earlier, O’Brien says he’s fired your ass,” Colin begun, “one sick day too many Tom.”

            “O’Brien says these things but he doesn’t really mean them-” I’d started to say before Colin butted in.

            “Well he looked particularly pissed.”

            “You know Colin I might begin to look particularly pissed too, how about you interrupt me one more time.”

            “Hey now, easy,” said Greenwood, “Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? And late?”

            Yes Greenwood I did. “Nah, I was feeling sick and was going to walk down to the pharmacy, gonna’ buy me a V8.”

            “That crap’s nasty.” Chimed Ed.

            “Two word limit Tweety,” Phil said with a grin somewhere behind his beard.

            “You guys are mean.”

            “What did I just tell you?”

            While Phil and Ed were goofing I began to stroll, I had a lot on my mind and needed to walk it off. I wasn’t about to wait on those guys though. You ever just get tired of the same faces? I started to walk and then the whole gang darted after me. They began saying things about my “sluggish behavior”, about my financial situation and especially emphasizing the fact that I was apparently fired. They spoke about how they all had talked about it the night before and they’ve decided to try and find me a woman. I said that the best woman for me was long gone and they told me that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I rolled my eyes.

            “Well how about we chip in and buy you a better apartment, the one you’ve got is a fantastic piece of crap.”

            “I don’t want your charity Greenwood, and I don’t want to move out of that apartment-” I begun to say.

            “It wouldn’t be charity, we’d want every dime back.” Interrupted Colin.

            I punched Colin hard in the shoulder. He was really pissing me off. “What I was saying before you interrupted me was that I don’t want your money to move out into a better apartment. I don’t want to move out of that apartment, I want to move out. Period. I want to move away from this small town, I want to move away from your charity, I want to move away from you.”

            The group grew quiet and stopped there on the sidewalk while I continued towards market square. I was feeling sick again now that I’d gotten that out in the open. A V8 did not feel like a bad idea right now actually.

            The more I walked the more I grew unreasonably angry! Things seemed to come to my attention concerning my future, my now and my past. I was heading nowhere, my progress at even getting anywhere with my life was nonexistent, and I had been pushed by my parents to find that anywhere all the way. I’m completely reliable now on my friends and I’ve never been self-sufficient my whole life.

            I was a burden to them all. I stopped my walk on the sidewalk in front of the abandoned deli and stared into the cracks of the pavement. I made my mind then for once about my future.

            I was going to end it.

            I waited for the biggest truck to come driving down the road and when it did I dove headfirst into it.

 

            I was in the air, staring into the grills of a large truck when my insides twisted, I felt empty, weightless. I wandered if this is what death feels like when you’re staring it in the face.

I was in the air still, everything seemed to be slowing down around me and I knew this must have meant doom.

Pretty soon, I thought as I was still in the air heading towards a truck, I’d be reminiscing about all of my long miserable years of life.

Then I began to see the white lights. I was in the air heading for a truck, slowly, I felt like a ghost already because I had a silly sensation tingling down my spine, and now I’m seeing white lights. Hey death, you sure like to take your sweet time now don’t you.

Then the strangest thing happened, I flew strait over the truck… I was in a marvelous field of light and was lifting strait into the sky. I looked up not really expecting to see anything at all but was delightfully mistaken.

The next thing I knew I was lying on my back on what felt like sand. I was staring up into a delicate work of wire, pipes, tubes, screens, gears, gauges, lights and buttons. They all looked so important. I rolled over on my belly and saw through the ground I was laying on. I was staring right into the street from hundreds of yards above and rising.

Streets grew into blocks, into towns, into fields, into mountain ranges, and then we were above the clouds! I could hardly contain my wits, I was looking at Earth from above it! Then ZOOM! Earth shrunk in mere seconds down into the size of a marble and then into nothing at all. The sun even disappeared quickly into only one other star among thousands.  I could see the swaying colors of the galaxy, I could see it pinwheel from where I was. The twirling galaxy that I knew must had been the Milky Way quickly disappeared from view, others too that were fantastic shapes like X’s and E’s, all blurring into one purple blip. I squinted, I could see nothing for a long time, everything was so dark, black, the pitchest of them all, the universe looked empty.

I was alone in the dark when only then did I grasp anything at all. I was abducted by the same spaceship I saw before, unbelievable! Inconceivable! Impractical! I grinned the largest smile on my face then, so large it stung, but I cared not, I was in a flying saucer. I had achieved it! I was gone from all of those Earthly troubles at last, and I will no longer be an Earthly trouble to my friends!

Then I saw beautiful lacework of light. So bright and contrasting at first that I had to shut my eyes, but I eagerly opened them to see ribbons of red, of orange, of blue, green, purple too. I saw colors I couldn’t place, I could hardly do any of these lights justice by dubbing then Earthly names anyway. I was gawking so hard at the display of colors that drool began to trickle down my neck, it distracted me so I wiped it away with my jacket sleeve. The colors reflected beautifully in even my spit dribble. All colors of the rainbow danced on my jacket sleeve. I spit onto the ground I was laying on and wrote my name in the sand. The word Tom had never been more gorgeous in the history of written language.

When the spacecraft escaped the sea of light I could see the cosmos in all of its glory. It was too wonderful to describe even to myself. The cosmos flowed endlessly and flawlessly, weaving delicate lacework of light and curious mass. I was suspended there with the space craft for an immeasurable amount of time. Seconds turned into minutes into hours into days into weeks. I could have stayed there looking into the cosmos until Hell froze over, and every time I blank it would have only become more perfect to me.

I began to cry, I understood all of what the cosmos was speaking to me and I could do nothing but hang my head and sob. I never imagined anything as beautiful as this, as life. After a long time I spoke for the first time, I said “Alright” in nearly the same squeaky voice as Ed, and I told the aliens that I could go home now.

The aliens had never made their presence until then, until I was choking on tears. They stood tall and lean, fleshy yet bold, their eyes spoke volumes. Again, they looked like they were the precipice of universal potential. With their eyes they asked me- “Tom, is not this your home? Do you not feel compelled to live free of the Earth and one with the cosmos?”

“I felt like I did not belong to Earth earlier yes. Now, I believe that Earth is the only place that I could allow myself to live. It hard to explain-“

“We understand, and the cosmos understands, we would like to return you to the Milky Way.” The aliens interrupted.

Epilogue

 

I was in the road now, crippled. I did not know the extent of what damage was done to my body, but it felt bad, real bad. So bad that through my screaming and pleas for help that I did not even notice my friends pull me out of the street. Nothing worked from my waist down and my hands were preoccupied holding my head together, I was sure my skull was in three pieces. Why the hell hadn’t I blacked out yet!

“Jesus Christ Tom, what in God’s name were you thinking!?” Screamed Greenwood, and then I blacked out.

 

“So, the aliens interrupted you?”

“Yes, everyone interrupts me.”

“And you say they spoke with their eyes.”

“Yes, perhaps you could speak with your eyes someday doctor.”

“Are you coming on to me Tom?”

“No I’m offering you a breath mint, seriously, do you have to sit so darn close to me? I can’t sit up and I have gauze over my face, but I can still hear you and unfortunately I can still smell your breath.”

The doctor eased back and sat up, he said he’d be back shortly and left, walking through the door to talk to my family and friends who were looking through a pane glass window, it made me feel like an exhibit.

The doctor ended up not showing up, instead, Greenwood came through the door and sat down next to me. He asked me if I could hear him.

“Yeah I can hear you, and see you mostly too, the gauze is not as thick as it looks you know… so… what did the doctor say?”

“Tom, I thought you’d want to hear it from me, but they insist that you be transferred to the mental ward this afternoon so that they could monitor you more closely and give you some therapy.”

“They think I’m crazy-“

“They think you’re suicidal Tom.”

“Say… Greenwood?”

“Yeah Tom?”

“Don’t interrupt me please, it’s rude.”

I asked him to put a Hershey Kiss in my mouth from one of my multiple get well soon gift bags, so far that’s been the best part about the hospital. He was halfway into opening it when the doctor and the rest of the party came in through the door. They all wanted to wish me well and hear my story about “the cosmos”. For most of them, this was the first time they’d seen me in weeks and they wanted to hear it all. So I told them of it all, about the abduction, the space ship, the journey through the cosmos, and about the horrible landing job the aliens had with me.

“Their specialty must be in lift off, not drop off.” I joked.

They were all chuckling with me when a doctor came in and began the process of moving me out of this intensive care room and into the mental ward of the hospital. I was being wheeled out when Greenwood limped up to us and asked me how I felt, personally.

I told him that I felt all right, because for once in my life I truly did.